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【狡槙】自浅浅处

816狡哥生贺,我和老师永远爱你



 

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给槙岛,


墨水和灯油都快用完了,所以我想把这封信写得简练点。晚上喝多了,现在有些头疼,楼下那只狗一直在叫,搞得我烦躁异常,老天保佑我能赶紧写完去睡觉。

你信里说的那个剧院的事情,我已经听说了。伦恩纯粹是自作自受,谁叫他上个剧本他妈的少给我五十英镑,对于半夜失火这件事我完全不感到意外。我怀疑即使他的剧院现在不失火,总有一天也会被其他人(或许是我)点了的。他的树敌能力实在太让人震惊了。我的剧本还可以卖到阿特拉斯那边,这个你还不用担心,虽然我跟他不是很对付。

这边天气还是很糟糕。比起你那个远离人烟的小院子,伦敦的环境差到让人难以忍受。晚上出去转一圈回来,我的鼻腔和嘴里就会有些黑色的不知道是什么成分的粉末。如果有人把我的肺挖出来,发现它又黑又皱的话,也是理所应当的,何况我还吸烟。

你说的下周那个作家聚会的邀请函也到我手上了。你真的想来参加?那帮人也不过是群乌合之众,你不会和他们合得来的。你们凑在一起只能谈谈怎么描写淫乱内容才能卖得更好而已,你要坐在两个争论四角恋好还是五角恋好的男人中间吗?他们的唾液会直接喷到你的头发和西装上,让你全身变得黏糊糊的,然后你再出去走两步吸点灰尘,你那头闪亮柔顺的白发就会变得和我的头发一样黑了。

因此我建议你留在你的清静地方,种种花拔拔草,每天洗一次牛奶浴,保持你那节省铅笔的色调。

我要说的就这些,现在我去睡觉了。我写的时候不小心撒了点咖啡上去,如果明天早上起床我觉得这封信能看的话,我就把它寄给你。


狡啮


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亲爱的狡啮先生,


事实上,我觉得这封信已经不太能看了,我只能勉强看得清字。而且你喝完酒之后手抖,写的字也歪歪扭扭的,读完仿佛破译了一封军事密文一样。我真希望你能把通信看得更加重要一点。

听你的描述,不难想象你那边的情况,应该四个月之前没什么太大的区别。那时白天我和你在街上逛了一阵,买了几件衣服和一柄手杖,晚上我在回去的火车上咳了好久,比以往迟了两个小时才睡着,回去看过医生才放心。你继续呆在那儿也不是什么明智的选择。我劝你尽快搬离那个全是烟尘的工业城市,我会在法国帮你找新的住处的。你会意大利语吗?那边我也可以试试。

你只需要卖剧本的时候回到伦敦就好,其他时间都要离得远远的。啊,那个阿特拉斯是个不错的商人,虽然我不喜欢他手下最出名的男演员。我曾经目睹过他在酒馆中对台词中的诗大肆谩骂。具体是哪段我有些记不清了,似乎是拜伦的这段:等我们把自己织的布织完/等我们把织梭换成了利剑/我们就要把布匹/向脚下的暴君掷去/我们要把它染在他流出的血里。演员一边辱骂着诗人一边喝着酒大笑,那场景我实在不想再回顾。在我和他进行一番友善的讨论后,他的表情像是在说这辈子都不想再看见我了。反正我也没有剧本要卖,这件事对我来说是无所谓的,顶多也就是我去伦敦看有他出演的剧时要注意别坐在前排,免得他看见我的脸就气得手提着剑从舞台上冲下来。

伦恩这个人我没有接触过,只是道听途说了一些消息,不知道是否准确。但是我想你听说的事情应该和我听说的差不多,那我就省去这部分笔墨好了。你最好也别幸灾乐祸了,五十英镑也不是什么大钱,我们学生时代在曼彻斯特相遇时,最开始的三个月花掉了九百多英镑,你还记得吗?我自己都不知道是怎么花出去的,那之后至少两年我一件值钱的东西都没买,差点要和主攻破产案的律师梳理我们在一起的每一个细节。

其实我很高兴毕业之后我们都学会了生活的艰辛,懂得怎样带上两个面包走到海边制造不需要花销的穷人式浪漫了。当然也可以说是诗人式的,如果你坚持的话。


现在我和我的乐园愉快地住在一起,一切都照常,唯一的缺点就是有时候会感到无聊。这里没什么有趣的人能交谈,我的管家和邻居都没怎么读过书,只能聊聊什么时候下雨和什么时候天黑。你能想象吗?上次我问管家天边那块云像什么,他说像是一床大棉被,我的上帝啊,他哪怕说像一群小绵羊呢。每天除了晒晒太阳,看看书,写写稿子,写写信之外,就没什么别的事情可做了。写书的进度倒是因此突飞猛进,不过缺少和他人的交流还是让我感到沮丧。说实话,我最喜欢做的事情还是吃过晚饭后,溜达到街上,随便找个地方坐下来,和周围的人聊点有的没的。在巴黎的时候我就总是这样做,也因此结交了各种各样的人,后来的某天开始,我突然变得需要穿上拘谨的服装,应付一些上流社交场合了。作为一个演说家,我当然明白见人说人话见鬼说鬼话的道理,正因为讨厌这种事情,我才搬了出来。

而现在的我竟然开始怀念那段忙碌的日子了,真是疯狂。简直就像把小时候流行的款式重新穿在身上,然后称赞它为复古风一样。现在我通过和人们信件来往了解欧洲的新闻,邮差偶尔也会回答我的一些疑问,所以勉强还算没有与这个社会脱节。我想我可能有一天还是会搬回城市的,但是无趣的社交还是尽量避免比较好。称自己身体虚弱是不是好一点呢?虽然我比几乎所有人都要健康,尤其是比你。


我去参加那个聚会就是因为这样的理由,补充自己的社交需求。我虽然不知道一场恋爱是四个人谈更好还是五个人谈更好,但是对于一个人或两个人的恋爱还是有点研究的,说不定能插上话。而且我听说那天有一位作家想要当场指责另一位作家对他文章情节的借鉴,两人各带了一班人马,听上去挺精彩的,值得一看。我不担心坐在两个奇怪的人中间,你坐在我旁边就好了。如果我一时兴起跳到桌子上读起斯威夫特,你就赶紧把我腰后的手枪摸走。

随信寄去一瓶墨水,希望它安然无恙。


你的槙岛


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给槙岛,


搬走的事情我确实在考虑,不过我不想搬出英国,我自己找地方就行。

为了防止悲剧的再次发生,我已经攒了好几个九百英镑了,够我们挥霍很久,只要你别像以前那样走进一家书店挥挥手,朗声说一句全要了。

墨水完好。有什么话见面再说吧。


狡啮




END

 

 

 

英文版(来自谌优太太):

 

De Leuis

 

To Makishima

I am finishing my ink and kerosene, so this letters going to be short. I’ve drunk too much tonight and there’s a headache coming, the dog keeps barking to irritate me. God bless me can finish this and throw myself in bed.

I’ve heard about the theater affair you’ve mentioned in your letter. Well Leon was asking for that retribution. I wasn’t surprised at all about that blaze in midnight. It was all his fault to pay me the fucking 50 pounds less for my last script. I doubted, for sure, that his theatre would definitely be set on fire one day by somebody (could be me) if not now. His ability to put himself under hostility is just amazing. Well I can sell my transcript to Atlas so no need to worry (though we are a bit awkward).

Awful weather is still going on. Comparing to your tiny garden far from the madding crowd, the environment in London is just unbearably disgusting. I got tons of unknown black powder in my naval and oral cavity just after a night walk. If my lungs are dug out one day it’s for sure to see some black, wrinkled human tissue, smoking just makes it worse.

I received the invitation for next week’s writers’ party that you’ve told me before. Are you sure you would like to go? They are just the madding crowd from whom you’d better keep far away. The only topic will be how to put some erotic stuff in their writings to make a big sale. Will you, sit between two men arguing whether a quadralove is better than a pentalove? Their sputum is going to split on your hair and suits to make you sticky, then if you go out after that to dip on some dust, your shiny-white soft hair will turn to be black as mine.

Therefore my suggestion is: stay where you are, keep your peaceful life with your gardening. Keep doing a milk bath once a day, keep your pencil-friendly tone.

That’s all I could say, now I have to throw myself in bed. I spilt some coffee on this piece of paper. I will send it to you if it is still readable after I get up tomorrow.

Kougami

  

 

Dear Mr Kougami

To be honest, I don’t think this letter is “readable” anymore. I tried my best to identify the words that you have written. What’s more, your hand shivering after drunk, the writing crooked a lot. Feel like I have unravelled a military cipher text. I really hope you can make communication as a more important thing.

It’s not hard to imagine your situation following your description, probably not not so much difference comparing to four months before isn’t it? We had a walk on the street at that time when we bought some clothes and a cane. On the train back in the evening I coughed hell of a lot and fell asleep two hours later than usual. I finally set my nerve at rest after I had a appointment with my doctor. It couldn’t be a clever choice to stick there for you. I do think you’d better move away as quickly as possible from that industrial city full of soot and smog, I will try to get you a new place to live in France. Do you speak Italian? I can find some place around there as well. You will only need to go back to London when you have to sell your transcript and keep yourself far away from that place for the rest of the time. 

Well, that businessman called Atlas is a pretty good one, though I don’t like his most famous actor. I have seen him swearing an awful lot about the poem in the lines at a pub. I couldn’t remember which bit exactly but possibly this part of Byron:

When the web that we weave is complete, 

And the shuttle exchanged for the sword, 

We will fling the winding sheet

O'er the despot at our feet, 

And dye it deep in the gore he has pour'd. 

The actor swore at the poet while he was drinking. It was such a situation that I never would like to recall again. After I had a friendly discussion with him, his facial expression seemed like that he would never like to meet me for the rest of his life. Anyway, I don’t have a transcript to sell so that won’t bother me very much. At most it means I have to take care not to sit at the front when I see his play in London. Otherwise I am not sure if he will rush towards me directly from the stage with a sword in his hand.

I haven't been contacted with Leon before. I’ve just heard something probably not true about him. Well the thing that you told me sounds similar to what I’ve heard from others, so it’s better for me to save my words on that. You’d better not laugh at him too much, fifty pounds are not such a large amount of money. Do you still remember for the first time we meet in Manchester when we were both students, we spent more than nine hundred pounds during the first three months? I couldn’t remember how we spent those lot. During the next two years I didn’t buy a single luxury thing. I nearly tried to trace back every moment we were together with a lawyer professional at bankrupting cases.

I am actually pleased to realized that we both know what a difficult life we are leading. We learned how to take two buns to the seaside to give ourselves some kind of free romance of poverty. Well you could say it’s romance of poets if you would stick to that.

Now I am living happily with my gardening, and everything seems to be going as well as it should be. The only problem is that I am quite boring sometimes. There is no interesting conversation at all. My housekeeper and my neighbors had hardly read any books, the only thing we can talk about is the rainy weather and the time it went dark. Can you imagine that? Last time I asked my housekeeper what the cloud looked like, he said it was a cotton blanket. Jesus Christ! What if he said a crowd of little sheep! I could do nothing other than doing some sun bath, reading a few pages and doing some novel writing or replying letters. Although my progress in this novel increased a lot because of this, the fact that I am lacking communication depressed me a lot. To be honest, the thing that I enjoy most is to chat with others after supper somewhere on the street during a wondering around. That’s what I did in Paris. After that, however, I suddenly have to wear properly to put myself into some of those upper class social affairs. I certainly know how to be a fence rider as a public speaker, and that’s why I moved away from that environment.

But now I am even missing the busy time like that. It’s such a crazy idea, just like putting on the clothes that were popular when I was a child, regarding them as classical style. I get access to the news in Europe via letters, the postman sometimes answers my questions as well, so I can say I am still within this society in some way. I think I might go back to the cities one day, but it’s better to avoid those pointless socialization. Would it help if I said I am physically not very well? Though I am much healthier than most of the people, especially you.

That’s why I am going to that party, to enrich my demand of socialization. Although I have no idea whether it’s better to fall in love with three or four, at least I can say something about love of one person or two. Furthermore I’ve heard that one of the writer will criticize the reference of his story by another writer, both of them brought somebody with them, which sounds lovely, at least worth to see. I am not worry about sitting between two strange guys, as long as you sit next to me. If I jump onto to the table to read out some work by Swift in a sudden, don’t forget to take away my pistol attached on my belt at back ASAP.

A bottle of ink was sent together with this letter, hope it will arrive safely.

Yours

Makishima

 

 

To Makishima

I am considering to move away indeed, but not outside of England, I will find somewhere myself.

To prevent another tragedy happens beforehand, I’ve prepared several nine hundred pounds for us to squander for a while, as far as you are not going to walk into a book store, wave your hand and ask for all of them.

The ink arrived as a full. Let’s finish our conversation when we meet.

Kougami

 

FIN.

 

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